Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
