try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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