Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
