I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
