The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
