My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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