honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
