Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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