He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
