he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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