dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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