well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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