She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
