This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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