Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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