Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
