I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
