Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
