he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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