I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
