Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
