Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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