How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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