i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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