remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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