This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
