i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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