Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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