I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
