I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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