you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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