Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw a hot homeless man
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
