we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
