The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
