He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
