you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
