just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
