The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
