What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
