i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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