We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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