I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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