the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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