Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
