Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
