is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
