I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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