Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
