me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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