Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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