I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
