well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
