we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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