she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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